The fitness space has long gone hand-in-hand with mindset due to the need for a mental transformation when you decide to put your body through physical stress (exercise). There has been a lot of pushback from people against the traditional, drill-sergeant trainer mindset. People don’t like being told that they’re lazy, understandably.
Those same people, however, “ooh” and “ahh” at the athletes on their screens each time the Olympics roll around, marveling at how disciplined they must be to accomplish such fantastic physical feats.
If you ask most traditionally-minded athletes to acknowledge this dichotomy, you’ll have a lot of them point out how most people simply just “don’t want to” put in the work it takes to get so good. This kind of attitude is precisely the reason why many people avoid fitness spaces.
So which is the “right” mindset to have around fitness? Is there a right mindset? Is fitness for everyone, or are some people “just lazy”?
My husband is a professional mixed martial arts fighter. Over the past six years, he has trained in gyms all over the country, but currently, he’s training out of Tiger Schulmann’s Martial Arts professional team, with some of the most elite fighters in the PFL and UFC leagues. He is fully immersed the the hyper masculine, eat-or-be-eaten culture that surrounds the sport of MMA. Coming from my yoga-loving, East Village, liberal bubble, we often disagree with certain mindset philosophies.
I remember my first time walking into Tiger Schulmann’s. It smelled like musky testosterone and sweat, reggaeton blaring through the speakers, which were mounted under a sign that read, “You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when you’re done.”
Jacob has this classic, stone-cold, do-it-or-don’t, athlete mindset. When he meets someone who is slightly slacking in pursuit of their goals, he’ll more than likely ask them, “How bad do you want it?”, and give them a tough-love speech on how winning is not loyal to you.
While that way of thinking can take credit for the successes of many elite athletes, I don’t believe it works for the average person.
Firstly, I don’t believe that whether or not they are sticking to their regimen depends solely on whether they want it bad enough. When you don’t have a career focused on physical activity, the factors in your success are a lot more complex than that.
When I have a client who is struggling to stick to their routine, I address it by digging deeper than how bad they want it. Besides, I already know that they want it, or else they wouldn’t be committed to working with me.
I assess other things.
What is the actual thing getting in the way?
What happens when they miss their workouts? Is their career demanding they work in their off-hours? Are they just letting the time pass them by while sitting on the couch? Are they forgetting about it? Are their kids or partner demanding their attention instead?
Are they simply not enjoying that form of movement? There are many healthy ways to move your body to reach different goals. All we need to do is adjust their method of reaching them.
Once we find that, I ask them,
What are they prioritizing instead?
If their children are demanding their time, they are clearly prioritizing their children’s needs or wants. Are those wants/needs as urgent as their workout? We can’t have them miss picking up their kids from school, but they could wait to play dress-up with them until after their workout.
Or, if they are deciding to help a friend with something instead of working out, we sit down to discover if this is a pattern, and address it if it is. Why do they consider their friend’s needs more important than their own?
If they are choosing to sit on the couch and not work out, that requires even deeper digging:
-What are they gaining from not giving their goals their all? Are they a busy mom giving into a need for more down time? If so, where can they carve that out instead? Or do they bond with friends over making jokes about how “lazy (lol)” they are, and they are afraid of losing that social acceptance?
If there is no immediate need that skipping out on their workout will fill for them, I still do not assume laziness. I dig deeper.
What are their subconscious beliefs about what success looks like?
No one wants to fail or produce work they know to be sub par.
If they are doing this, something else is going on. I try to help them figure out which subconscious beliefs they are catering to. Do they have a deep-seeded belief that they are not worthy of a healthy body? Is the goal they are pursuing (e.g. to become more ripped) for someone else, because they otherwise don’t feel worthy of love? Are they afraid they will lose connection with their family members who think muscular people are vain? We explore all of the options.
For people who are struggling to stay on top of their familial duties, career, and who are battling a self-worth issues, asking them “How bad do you want it?” can completely invalidate all of these other issues and end up turning them away from the gym altogether.
I still deeply respect athletes and admire their dedication to their craft, but I don’t believe they are the owners of what being fit looks like. It’s important to respect other situations, perspectives, and goals so that fitness feels more welcoming to the non-athlete majority.
Disagree with me? Drop me a comment and let’s talk about it.
Brilliant!! I’m your fan